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Aurayle
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 Last replied to on Wed Mar 01, 2006 20:40:51
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pp 184
Komatsubara says "For me," should be changed to "Personally,"
Also, one instance of Komatsubara saying Kishiwagi needs to be changed to Kashiwagi on that page. Also the sensei says Kishiwagi on that page and it needs to be changed to Kashiwagi.
pp 185
Komatsubara says Kishiwagi instead of Kashiwagi on this page also.
When sensei is saying "Seriously?" one might wish to consider adding an exclamation mark to denote her emphasis.
pp 202, Keigo says Kishiwagi, should be changed to Kashiwagi.
--- Thats all for now!
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crusaderky
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Posted at Tue Feb 07, 2006 12:28:18
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179: looked for him in the courtyard several times
180: Did you catch a cold?
180: I'm gonna head home
183: translation is unfaithful to original punctuation
(right baloon) ......So
(left baloon) what do you want to talk about?
183: Even though we're sisters, that's something I can't...
(removed extra 'I')
183: That's something decided by Kana alone
(sounds much better in English)
184: senpai
Although I've seen it translated a lot of times as sempai, I still don't get the reason behind it....  : : :
184: doki -> nervous (since you translated like this once already)
184: want to get (capitalization)
184: Kishiwagi? -> Kashiwagi?
184: untranslated SFX
185: ...So
185: untranslated SFX
186: he ran away? (capitalization)
187, 188: no ... in the original in several baloons
189: add an extra ! to first and third baloon
189: Drinking?...
192: "look here" -> "listen to me" would make more sense (waiting for translator's opinion)
193: For today's high schoolers (remove ...)
193: It's not healthy (remove ...)
193: for you to be drinking (capitalization)
194: untranslated SFX
196: Let me go! (sounds better)
200: Huh!!
201: It's like I do, but...
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CRVSADER//KY
CVI.SCIENTIA.IMPERIVM
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Waxmaker
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Posted at Tue Feb 07, 2006 16:02:56
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Heh, crusaderky's working overtime this week--I think I'll be lazy and just check the second version, then :p
Quote:
184: senpai
Although I've seen it translated a lot of times as sempai, I still don't get the reason behind it.... : : : |
Under traditional Hepburn romanization, when "n" falls before certain letters and acquires more of a "m" sound, it's expressed with the letter "m"; however, in revised Hepburn (which is considered to be more correct nowadays), "n" is used instead, for consistency.
In other words, "sempai" is the old way to spell it (despite being a little closer to how the word is actually pronounced), but "senpai" is the more modern way to spell it.
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boke
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Posted at Tue Feb 07, 2006 17:54:38
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Quote:
Although I've seen it translated a lot of times as sempai, I still don't get the reason behind it.... : : : |
Because in Japanese, their sound for "n" encompasses the range of English sounds from "m" to "n". In addition, the language has a tendency to change phonetically depending on how compound words are put together. This adds up to a bit of "slop" in Japanese that we have to try to approximate in English.
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mrdummy
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Posted at Tue Feb 07, 2006 23:34:08
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crusaderky works indeed hard 
Well, boke still use Kishiwagi and change it again to Kashiwagi?
But because you type it again, what is the difference in Japanese between Kishiwagi and Kashiwagi?
I like to hear the reason about i and a. 
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crusaderky
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Posted at Tue Feb 07, 2006 23:43:23
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according to the dictionary, Kishiwagi shouldn't exist...
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mrdummy
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Posted at Tue Feb 14, 2006 00:04:43
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Ok, what are the meanings for untranslated sfx? What does the sfx tell about? (if you cannot find English sound, then give a short explanation)
Then i can start with editing pages.
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povidiusnaso
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Posted at Wed Feb 15, 2006 16:58:33
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One minor problem on p183:
"Even though we're sisters, I that's something I can't help you with"
Delete the first 'I'.
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boke
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Posted at Thu Feb 16, 2006 20:12:20
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Quote:
Delete the first 'I'. |
This has been corrected
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tanuki
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:52:11
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These are my two cents. I read the chapter just now:
p 175: untranslated title?
p 179, top right: TO search of course
p 181: I'm not sure if the furigana reads Abiko-sensei. Is that an A? Then again, I know boke knows kanji very well, even some of the more horrifying ones ...
p 183, bottom right: "... to help Kana and I get along better" sounds better as " to help Kana and ME get along better"
p 183 middle: "... can't help you out with." should be "can't help you with"
p 192, top: "you better stop ..." there's no need for 'had' there.
p 192, top: "don't get into there", make that "don't go in there"
p 192, bottom: don't just start yelling so suddenly (or just sudden) it says the same, but reads easier than "... blurting out in such a loud voice so suddenly..."
p 196: "release me" can be changed to "let me go"
p 197: switch "let go" and "your hand" since you're reading right-to-left. In japanese, subject comes first but it can be different in english, so...
I even want to suggest to make it "let go of" and "your hand", in that order from right to left, thus making it a sentence.
p 201: "like I do, like I don't" I'm not sure if this is correct english, since I'm not native english-speaking, but it is a strict translation of the text.
I would change it into "I'm not sure" or even better: "I can't put my finger on it" which is a correct english idiom for not being able to recall something.
Well, that's it. Some things might already be suggested elsewhere, but this is my opinion on the script as it is now.
Feel free to comment ...
-----------------------------
Carrot was two metres tall but he'd been brought up as a dwarf, and then
further up as a human.
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boke
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 20:00:54
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Quote:
p 175: untranslated title?
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BNFNT has no chapter titles. It just says BNFNT.
Quote:
p 179, top right: TO search of course
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changed to "Search, of course."
Quote:
p 181: I'm not sure if the furigana reads Abiko-sensei.
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Yes.
Quote:
p 192, top: "don't get into there", make that "don't go in there"
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Changed to "Don't get into it here" - an english expression meaning "don't fight/argue here"
Quote:
p 201: "like I do, like I don't" I'm not sure if this is correct english, since I'm not native english-speaking, but it is a strict translation of the text.
I would change it into "I'm not sure" or even better: "I can't put my finger on it" which is a correct english idiom for not being able to recall something.
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Stet. English expression.
No problems with the other suggestions.
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crusaderky
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 21:35:51
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mrDummy gave me edit permissions so I'm applying the fixes (from tanuki and auryale too); I'm leaving the following unchanged since I'd like to hear boke's opinion first:
Quote:
179: looked for him in the courtyard several times
183: That's something decided by Kana alone
(sounds much better in English)
185: untranslated SFX
194: untranslated SFX |
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boke
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 21:43:28
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No prob.
Quote:
185: untranslated SFX
194: untranslated SFX
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Check the translator's note's section.
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crusaderky
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 21:50:11
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How about
185: sound of intensity -> serious
194: sound of quick, abrupt motion -> running
I'm gonna give it a final check this night, then I think mrDummy can definitely start with the editing.
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boke
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 21:54:32
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k
'k
kay
'kay
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crusaderky
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 22:08:04
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most pages: white borders ain't white
175: dust on the sky and on the right house
176: black spots
- sky
- bottom right, near mako's foot
- bottom left, under the last panel
177: dirt near the 3rd panel
178: a hair on the top left of the 3rd panel
179: black spots
- 1st panel, over mako's head
- over 1st panel
- left of 2nd panel
- 4th panel, under mako
one white spot two hairs on 3rd panel, near mako's hair and feet
180: black spots
- 1st panel, over the girl's head
- under 4th panel
181: white spots on 1st panel and on 4th panel(sensei's trousers)
- black spot on 2nd panel (ceiling), 3rd panel (left of sensei's head)
182: white spots on 1st panel (girl's head)
- black & white spots on the left of midori's legs
goin' out. more later.
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CRVSADER//KY
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mrdummy
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 22:24:25
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Quote:
most pages: white borders ain't white
175: dust on the sky and on the right house
176: black spots
- sky
- bottom right, near mako's foot
- bottom left, under the last panel
177: dirt near the 3rd panel
178: a hair on the top left of the 3rd panel
179: black spots
- 1st panel, over mako's head
... and more ... |
I'm sorry to tell it, but you're too early with comments about cleaning. I have only for translation fast-leveled the pages *search the another post*
Here: http://www.mrdummy.net/mangatranslation/forum.php?forumID=4&ID=15&start=40#177 and one post below.
You see why i have not properly cleaned the pages. I do it to post pages faster than before.
For editing pages, i clean the pages better and remove some dusts and white dots. Please wait with cleaning advices until you see the edited pages in zip. Thank you.
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tanuki
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 22:29:58
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I can't read the translators notes but I checked those sfx anyway.
p 185: it reads dji (?): I suggest 'glance'. I suppose it is something similar, and it fits both storyline and drawing.
p 194: it reads bafda (tsu indicating emphasis on da). In dutch, we know a collision sound 'baf', so I suggest 'smack' or 'bam' here.
-----------------------------
Carrot was two metres tall but he'd been brought up as a dwarf, and then
further up as a human.
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crusaderky
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Posted at Sat Feb 18, 2006 22:36:36
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whoops... 'k, I had got these ones done already
183: black spots
- 1st panel, over the stairs
- 1st panel, left of the pipe
- 1st panel, under bitchie-sama's feet
- 2nd panel, over midori's head
- 2nd panel, on midori's sweater
3th panel, dirt over the head
4th panel, hair on midori's leg
184: black spots
- near page number
- last panel, over midori's shoulder
- last panel, between midori's legs
185: 2nd panel, black spot left of midori's eyes
4th panel, dirt on the face
left part of 3rd panel: white background ain't white
186: several black spots on the sky; hair on the topmost building
black spot on the middle left wall
2 black spots around the characters
black spots on the bottom right
187: black spot on the sky
gray spots over the buildings in the distance
188: 1st panel: white hair on mako's hair (  )
I'm done with reading. You can start with the editing right now 
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CRVSADER//KY
CVI.SCIENTIA.IMPERIVM
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mrdummy
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Posted at Sun Feb 19, 2006 00:42:41
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Quote:
I can't read the translators notes but I checked those sfx anyway. |
Ok, I give you now permission to use system.
Quote:
...
left part of 3rd panel: white background ain't white
... |
Do you read the previous post?  I have only done first step leveling on every page, not full cleaning job. But, okay, i shall verify your comments when i clean the pages. 
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mrdummy
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Posted at Wed Feb 22, 2006 00:51:55
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Chapter 21 is ready. Read your private message.
Then you may post here your comments and corrections.
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